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Saturday Night Fever - The Original Movie Soundtrack

It was going to happen sooner or later. Nostalgia is a cruel mistress ... she can dull the sharpest edges and over time can even soften the hardest of opinions. I found this in the dollar bin, and frankly at a dollar I was worried about what this would cost me. Not only from a monetary perspective, but my time, and more important, my credibility. Fourteen-year-old me was screaming, "Don't you dare. DON'T DO IT! Put it down. Walk away!" Then there was grey-bearded me holding it and looking at it, thinking, "How bad could it be? I actually kind of like 'Stayin' Alive,' and me buying this record won't bring disco back, and no one will have to know I bought this."

I pulled the album out of the bin, and carefully took out the records. They'd seen better days, and there were a couple of decent scratches that would no doubt make their presence known later. The jacket was in decent condition, and both of the albums had the original sleeves. I dusted the records, then gave them a bath, brought out the vacuum, and gave them a good suck. Take that disco.

Of course, I should have known I was lying to myself. I'd sit and listen to this, and then in my own time sit and jot down my thoughts. The only positive is no one reads this anyway, so I'm pretty safe. No one will ever know.

The first album had a few more pops and clicks than I'd have liked, but honestly I'm just about through the first of four sides, and it's relatively clean. I hate to say it, but those first four songs are pretty decent. You have to give props where props are due, and dang those guys could write catchy songs. Most artists would kill to have one killer song (let alone a slew of them). "Stayin' Alive" is the best of the bunch, and even young me sheepishly would have admitted to liking the riff and singing along to the chorus. The first side closes out with the Brothers Gibb-penned "If I Can't Have You" and while I want to piss on it for being disco, if I'm to be honest, it, along with the rest of the first side, was really good.

Ah shit, the second side opens with "A Fifth of Beethoven" conducted by Walter Murphy, and I really want to find something to defend my disco-sucks position. This song feels like the spiritual grandfather of that whole Stars on 45 craze, and probably ruined classical music for a lot of pipe-smoking geriatrics. Which I guess was only fair, since disco ruined rock for my generation. I can't believe I enjoyed that. Here we go, a song I can actively dislike, "More Than a Woman," another Gibb-penned tune, but this was bland, uninspired R&B and this song just felt flaccid (don't ask me how I know what that feels like; best not to dwell on these things). Good lord, the album is on a roll now, the best kind, going downhill. WTF is this now? "Manhattan Skyline" - this must be incidental music from the movie. Imagine a high school stage band, one that had Lee Ritenour, Abraham Laboriel, and other great players, shitting the bed trying to be cool by playing disco. "This is what I'm talking about!" shouts a gleeful young me. This is why disco sucks! My ears are bleeding. Let's see if "Calypso Breakdown" can put a nail in the second side. Oh yeah, that was terrible, and it was so very long. At 7:50 it was like having two shitty songs spliced together - they used the extra time to find a big hammer and drive in a lot of nails. That'll put the first record to rest.

So here we are halfway through, and I have to give it up for the first side that was actually pretty solid. The second side only reinforced my longstanding belief that disco sucks. However, I will also admit that a good song is a good song, and there have been a few so far — but really only on the first side.

Bill Oakes, who supervised this thing, is really digging a hole. Side three opens with "Night on Disco Mountain," which is apparently based on "Night on Bald Mountain," and it is deliciously awful. I mean it's impeccably played, but IT. IS. TERRIBLE. Kool & the Gang get their shot at greatness with their contribution, "Open Sesame," and I know they're funk gods in some circles, but this is just another bland R&B paint-by-numbers effort with some clever, kitschy moments that don't make this any more enjoyable.

Dang, the Bee Gees swing back into action with "Jive Talkin'" and once again the boys deliver an earworm that has stood the test of time - and they follow that with "You Should Be Dancing." Good grief, they really were at the top of their game back then. Thankfully KC and the Sunshine Band drop a brown egg with "Boogie Shoes," a song that really feels like an afterthought. Now, I know I keep saying how much I "hate" disco, but KC had some killer songs and it's too bad they aren't better represented here. That song was a pudding chunk.

I'm on the home stretch. Oh goody, we have another stage band entry to start off side four. I don't have the energy to type out the title. It's terrible. I'm getting the sense they made a double album because they wanted to, not because they needed to. What is this? I can just about picture this as the theme song to one of those "steamy" (for the '70s) TV movies where the guy drives a cool car, and the women sit drinking martinis, have long black cigarette holders, and use words like "Dawh-ling" when speaking to you.

Finally, here comes the album closer, "Disco Inferno" by The Trammps. Yeah, I've heard this, and will admit this is catchy...(many minutes later)... It's gone from catchy to annoying. This is the extended version - goodness, this is pushing eleven minutes. This makes my feet sore just listening to it. I can't imagine being stuck on the dance floor with no end in sight. This was a song made for a radio edit.

There. I made it. I doubt I'll ever play this all the way through in a sitting again. I will likely play the first side, and possibly the third again  - they were pretty good. For all that, you'd be better off just getting the Bee Gees Greatest Hits.

It is truly astounding the life this soundtrack took on in the popular zeitgeist. I mean sure, this album didn't invent disco, but dang it certainly propelled it into the mainstream, and kept it there past its expiration date. This album sold over forty million copies. That's a lot of suckage.

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  1. AnonymousMarch 1, 2023 at 10:51 PM

    I’m going to have nightmares about “Night on Disco Mountain” now. Thanks a lot. Saturday Night Fever crossed with Fantasia. Again. Ugh. Old scars. “Boogie Shoes” is no better or worse than any other K.C. & the Sunshine Band song. If you think that was phoned in, you should think the same of “Shake Your Booty” or “I’m Your Boogie Man” or any of the rest. As for the Bee Gees songs, yeah, they sold out to the corporate music zeitgeist but they were the absolutely untouchable kings of it because NObody could write a pop hook like Barry Gibb. Also, I know “Jive Talkin’” is on the LP, that one and “You Should Be Dancing” were borrowed from earlier LPs. Side one was written for the film. A handful of new songs, and 40 million sales worth of income for an album’s worth of tracks, including number one singles. They never needed to work another day in their lives. Then came Spirits Having Flown with four more huge singles including “Tragedy” and “Too Much Heaven.” After that, the US audiences turned on them with a vengeance. Radio blackout. - JE

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    1. AnonymousApril 8, 2023 at 9:51 PM

      Yeah, I'm with you on the assessment of the Bee Gees when things turned they turned in a hurry. As to the KC stuff it must be nostalgia as I can listen to the hits and tap my foot, maybe it was all terrible. As to the Fantasia connection, I didn't put that together until after you mentioned it. Nice. I wonder if the music fits the animation. - JMC

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